Nora: Ribs were one of my absolute favorite restaurant splurge meals. Since I’m new to the veggie lifestyle I still have deeply-ingrained taste preferences for certain foods and these meatless Ribs totally hit the spot for me. (Veggie crumbles as taco meat is another Craving Buster, but that’s another post.) This recipe is insanely delicious and even has the fun “pull apart” quality meat ribs have. I was honestly shocked at how good these are and other than the lack of bones, they are completely realistic feeling/tasting. We’ve made these three times in three weeks.
Don’t be alarmed by the word seitan. It’s just wheat meat. You probably don’t have to go to the fancy grocery store since our Kroger carries it alongside all the Bob’s Red Mill fancy grain flours. If you are familiar with seitan, you’ll be happy to know this recipe does not require the long kneading and boiling/steaming/baking which usually produces seitan. Yes, this is weeknight friendly wheat meat! Rejoice!!! Also, this recipe PERFECTLY bakes half a bag of freezer fries simultaneously. This is the kind of high quality vegan content we have all been searching for!
The only negative to this recipe is it only makes two slabs (enough for two hungry people or maybe four with lots of sides). If you need more or want leftovers (you do) you will need to prepare this in two pans. The key to the meaty texture is contact with the pan edges and larger slabs will have mushy middles. We don’t have two small pans the same size, so currently we are doomed to eat all our ribs in one sitting.
Josh: Ribs are a weird thing to eat when you stop and think about it. Like… ribs, though? I digress. I never had ribs as a real boy, we didn’t have money for splurges like that and the idea of seeking ribs out was not on my radar. Then I joined the dark side of the force and began growing my incredible vegan super powers, so there was no going back. I would have never come up with the idea of eating ribs, would have never bothered with it. But Nora gets this idea to make ribs and so we cobble this together.
Wow. Just wow. We’ve made these ribs three times in less than a month. They’re ridiculously good. Firm and tough, tangy, sticky, actual finger licking good. The recipe is really easy to make thanks to our kitchen aid mixer. Mostly the recipe is waiting for the cook time to expire, which is useful when you have other things to accomplish in the evening but know you’re just going to hit the sofa after dinner no matter what.
In addition to being quick and easy and tasty, these ribs are affordable. Buy yourself some vital wheat gluten (seriously, if you don’t have this already GET IT TOGETHER because homemade seitan is delicious, versatile, and easy), some soy sauce, some nooch (read: nutritional yeast – we read the Thug Kitchen cookbook once and can’t think of Nooch any other way), and you’re already most of the way to cooking countless meaty vegan meals without breaking the bank. If nothing else, do it just to make these ribs. They’re spectacular.
| Baked Seitan Ribs |
| Makes: Two slabs of ribs |
| Slightly adapted from Fat Free Vegan |
| Time: 5 minutes prep, 45 minutes to cook |
| Omnivore Index: slap it on a bun and Ronald McDonald himself would call it a McRib |
| Ingredients: – 1c vital wheat gluten – 2 Tbsp nutritional yeast – 2 tsp paprika – 2 tsp onion powder – 1 tsp garlic powder – 3/4c water – 2 Tbsp almond butter – 1 Tbsp soy sauce – 1 tsp liquid smoke – 1c (ish) BBQ sauce (we use Sweet Baby Ray’s) |
| Directions: 1. Preheat oven to 375F. Spray grease a 9×9 metal pan. 2. Mix all ingredients except BBQ sauce and knead 60 seconds. I do it in the stand mixer but it wouldn’t be hard by hand. 3. Spread into the prepared pan, using the “kitty paws” technique with your fingertips as needed. 4. Using a small, sharp knife, cut dough down the middle. Turn pan 90 degrees and cut across 8 times to make 16 “riblets.” 5. Bake 25 minutes. Pull out of oven, baste with half the BBQ sauce. Using a spatula, flip each quarter of the ribs, taking care to flip “corner to corner,” with the crispy outer corners all swapped to the center of the pan and the soft inner edges all against the sides of the pan. 6. Baste with the other half of the BBQ sauce and bake 15-25 more minutes or until sauce is starting to caramelize and ribs are firm. |
| Closing Arguments |
| Nora: Make these ribs and eat them. Soon. Josh: Holy shit these ribs are good. Sinfully good. They’ll make you think you accidentally broke vegan edge. |
